Baby Steps Forward

So far this process has been a lot of sitting around and waiting for answers, running tests, and keeping me comfortable. With not much moving forward it is definitely easy to fall into denial.

Today they told me that I am negative for the Philadelphia chromosome meaning that they should be able to get me started on treatment soon now that they have a direction. I am glad to have answers but I can definitely feel my anxiety increase every moment.

Since coming in I’ve had headaches just about every day. Not unusual for me and they go away with some caffeine. Today I have a gnarly migraine though. I think it it’s mostly because of all the stress that is now coming down on me. They gave me morphine to try to knock it out and I rested with ice on my head in the dark room but the headache is still there.

I got up to eat my lunch hoping some food would help. My tummy is happy but I still have a migraine. I’ll be talking to them soon to see about trying something else to get rid of this. Anyone who has had a migraine before knows how debilitating they can be. I want to go for a walk or read or take a bath but my head will not let me.

It is now 4:30 PM and I still have a headache. They gave me some IV Maxeran (Reglan US) to try to help my head and it helped for a little bit but it didn’t get rid of it. I think all the stress of reality is hitting me at once.

The doctor came in to talk to me some this afternoon. Since my Philadelphia chromosome test came back negative I will be started on a regimen called AL4. I’ll get a treatment schedule but I should be getting started with treatment tomorrow!

I’m not going to lie I’m pretty nervous and anxious about everything. I could use a hug from my husband and kisses from our fur babies. I could use a hand to hold our a stuffy to squeeze. I wish I could clone myself so one version could take care of me while the other rests (yes I know I’m weird). On that note I just finished up dinner and hopefully I’ll be able to get disconnected from my IV pump long enough to get in a good bath and wash my hair (while I still have it).

Love, LB

Icing my head, pardon the greasiness
Missing my beautiful baby girl
This is what i need right now, unconditional Penny love

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