This last week has been a busy blur. At least busy for covid standards. I started round 8 of treatment and this began the start of my new chemotherapy.
The regimen I have been on included a drug called doxorubicin, aka the red devil. This chemo has a maximum lifetime dose so once this dose is reached the drug must be stopped. This round I have started to take high dose methotrexate weekly. I started this on Saturday and so far I have been feeling okay. I have had some mouth soreness, a bit of hair loss, and mild headaches but overall so far so good.
Since this is new-ish for me they will be doing weekly bloodwork to make sure that my blood counts, immune system, liver, and kidneys are all tolerating the treatment as well. Here’s hoping it all goes smoothly. In the meantime I have been going to physiotherapy to try and help strengthen and heal my physical body. It’s not always easy for me to find the motivation and energy to do my exercises. I do my best though.
I’ve been really getting into some projects around the apartment too. I have done quite a few diamond paintings, sorting and using paper cranes for various art projects, hanging up photos, baking, cooking, etc. Staying busy helps keep my mind off of the hard things and brings me some pleasure.
Of course my fur babies are the ultimate source of love in my life right now. Every day that I wake up to Penny’s kisses and Zoey so excited to see me puts a huge smile on my face. They are my world and my little reminder of Luke and the love we shared as a family.
Becoming a widow and learning to live on my own again hasn’t been easy. I feel so supported both near and far but I miss my best friend and love dearly. Just having that person to confide in 24/7 and go through life’s ups and downs with. I know he is all around me and urging me on, but I wish I could feel his presence.
While I always try to stay upbeat I think it is important to acknowledge the hurt and the pain. It has been almost five months now and a huge part of me is still in denial. I’ve been in fight or flight mode and right now I can’t afford to be in flight mode so I have to fight for my life every day. It’s not easy, but I do what I have to. I keep on going because I know that’s what Luke wanted.
I’ll put one foot in front of the other, all for you Lukey