Put One Foot in Front of the Other

This last week has been a busy blur. At least busy for covid standards. I started round 8 of treatment and this began the start of my new chemotherapy.

The regimen I have been on included a drug called doxorubicin, aka the red devil. This chemo has a maximum lifetime dose so once this dose is reached the drug must be stopped. This round I have started to take high dose methotrexate weekly. I started this on Saturday and so far I have been feeling okay. I have had some mouth soreness, a bit of hair loss, and mild headaches but overall so far so good.

Since this is new-ish for me they will be doing weekly bloodwork to make sure that my blood counts, immune system, liver, and kidneys are all tolerating the treatment as well. Here’s hoping it all goes smoothly. In the meantime I have been going to physiotherapy to try and help strengthen and heal my physical body. It’s not always easy for me to find the motivation and energy to do my exercises. I do my best though.

I’ve been really getting into some projects around the apartment too. I have done quite a few diamond paintings, sorting and using paper cranes for various art projects, hanging up photos, baking, cooking, etc. Staying busy helps keep my mind off of the hard things and brings me some pleasure.

Of course my fur babies are the ultimate source of love in my life right now. Every day that I wake up to Penny’s kisses and Zoey so excited to see me puts a huge smile on my face. They are my world and my little reminder of Luke and the love we shared as a family.

Becoming a widow and learning to live on my own again hasn’t been easy. I feel so supported both near and far but I miss my best friend and love dearly. Just having that person to confide in 24/7 and go through life’s ups and downs with. I know he is all around me and urging me on, but I wish I could feel his presence.

While I always try to stay upbeat I think it is important to acknowledge the hurt and the pain. It has been almost five months now and a huge part of me is still in denial. I’ve been in fight or flight mode and right now I can’t afford to be in flight mode so I have to fight for my life every day. It’s not easy, but I do what I have to. I keep on going because I know that’s what Luke wanted.

I’ll put one foot in front of the other, all for you Lukey

Love, LB

4 thoughts on “Put One Foot in Front of the Other

  1. Wow! Your drawings of Penny and Zoey are amazing 😻. You are talented. Looks like your baking is delicious too. Keep it up. You can do this. One step at a time.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It was wonderful to read your heartfelt words, Lindsey, and to know that you are dealing with your ongoing treatments in a positive and tolerant manner. It seems that the rules are “no gain without some pain” but it is good to hear that the latest chemicals are not overwhelming as so many of them have been. I know how much comfort you furry children bring you and we too have been blessed with our one boy, Sir Purrsalot, who finds so many opportunities to make us smile.

    We are finally travelling south of the city next month and will plan to drop off a small care package for you. I think I still have your directions in my phone and will double check before we come. It turns out that i managed to tear my rotator cuff when I fell in early December and boy is it ever taking a long time to heal. I have exercises and I do see some improvement but am very limited in range of movement. However, with Covid isolation we rarely go out in any case. We look forward to the warmer weather AND easing of visiting restrictions. We miss our family but have a zoom get together each Sunday night as well as contact by phone during the week. I, too, wish you had family closer to support you through this treatment. Please know that from afar we are sending you much love and hopefully there will be a time when you and Zoey can come for a country visit! Cathy Welch

    On Tue, Feb 9, 2021 at 10:36 AM Life, Love, and Leukemia wrote:

    > Life Love and Leukemia posted: ” This last week has been a busy blur. At > least busy for covid standards. I started round 8 of treatment and this > began the start of my new chemotherapy. The regimen I have been on included > a drug called doxorubicin, aka the red devil. This chemo h” >

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Lindsey you always amaze me. You could curl up and feel sorry for yourself (and nobody would blame you) but you choose to fight for your life and Luke’s memory. For us, Luke lives through you. Keep up the fight for you, Luke and all of us because we love you.


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