One year ago today I received my diagnosis that I had B-cell Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. One year ago my world completely changed and turned upside down. One year ago I went from a caregiver to a patient.
One year ago I got sick. I had body aches, a high fever, couldn’t stay awake, and had a sore on my tongue the size of a chic-pea. I couldn’t keep food down and I was so dehydrated. I’d been to the doctor once and had a covid test that was negative, but after 5+ days of high fevers I went back to my doctor who sent me to urgent care. I will forever be grateful to her for making me go.
One year ago the world that I had just spent two years learning to navigate with Luke was now crashing down around me too. When Luke was diagnosed I knew I could handle being his caregiver. I have always been the kind of person who puts others before myself and would do anything to take care of those I love. Suddenly, though, I was the one who needed to be taken care of. I don’t like relying on others and feeling vulnerable, yet here I was being admitted to the Leukemia/ BMT ward the same day my husband was going to be discharged from his second bone marrow transplant. We had been apart for a month and would only be together 24 hours before he got to go home to recover and I would begin the fight of my life.
One year ago I cried in my husbands arms while he cried in mine. I remember him coming into my room and we just collapsed into each other. I think I cried because I wouldn’t be able to be there to take care of him. Luke cried because he knew the hell and the pain I was about to go through and it deeply pained him to see me go through that.
One year ago my life changed. I’ve done my best to be open an honest through it all. I have shared the highs and lows throughout it all. I want the world to see the real struggles, not just the picture perfect happy moments or the rainbow unicorn moments. This past year has been absolute garbage, and I try to find the silver linings wherever I can, but honestly this last year has kicked my ass in so many ways.
One year ago I never expected to be where I am now. I never expected to be a 29-year-old widow undergoing cancer treatment and trying to decide if I’m ready to get back to work after being on medical leave for a year. I never expected to be watching Zoey grow up alone and my heart breaks when I think about how much Penny must miss her daddy. I never expected to be so far away from everyone I love when I need them most, and yeti still feel so much support from all around me.
One year ago my life was flipped upside down due to leukemia. It’s hard to believe how much I’ve gone through and how far I still have to go.
P.S. There’s still a week left to donate to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society for the Woman of the Year competition. We need your help to save lives!!