It has been a while since I did a post on how I am doing or updated y’all on my life these last several months. I have been so busy with work and life that I often forget that I started this blog not only as a way to express myself but also as a way to keep friends, family, and those who have been following my life these past four years updated.

I have been doing really well lately. I have been chugging along in my treatments and the plan is to be done this summer! I tolerate the treatments pretty well with minor side effects. I get pain and fatigue on steroid withdrawal days and some mouth soreness (not full blown mucositis thank goodness) but overall I haven’t had any major issues on maintenance. Knock on wood. Today I start cycle 15!

I started back at work in August of last year and it has been really nice to be back to a routine. The sense of normalcy that going to work brings makes me feel like a real person again. It has its challenges of course (see my last post for return to work challenges) but it has overall been satisfying. The last few months with the demand for covid vaccinations has been challenging. Everywhere has been so busy and being a pharmacist during a pandemic brings on a whole new set of challenges that I never expected to face when I was going through pharmacy school. People are impatient, confused, demanding, scared, and expect you to be able to do everything and answer every question. Meanwhile, it is often our patients who know about public health changes before we do.

Now that the demand for booster shots has calmed down some it has been nice to be able to get back to focusing on the pharmacist duties that remind me why I love what I do. Just a friendly reminder to be respectful and kind to your pharmacy team (and everyone). A little bit of kindness and a ‘thank you’ goes a long way. It makes my day when a patient is grateful for me calling to follow up with them or taking the time to talk to them about their concerns.

Other than working, I mostly just hang out at home with my girls, watch too much tv, cook lots of food, and of course eat that food. My fur babies bring so much love to my life. They are quickly becoming best buddies and the bond they have just melts my heart. Penny loves to rub her face on Zoey’s nose and Zoey loves to sniff Penny’s ears. They hang out in the same room even when I’m not home and Zoey has to follow Penny around when she walks around the living room. They will both eat out of Zoey’s food bowl and Zoey just gently nudges Penny’s face away, but doesn’t get mad or territorial. When I get home from work I am greeted by both of them as soon as I open the door. Every now and then Zoey gets excited and might chase her sister around as if she wants to play, but if penny has had enough she just paws at Zoey and she calms right down.

When we got Zoey we never in a million years thought the two of them would be close like this. Penny was so afraid and upset about having to share her space with a crazy dog at first. Seeing their budding friendship has been so heartwarming and I know Luke would just melt into a puddle if he could see the sweetness between the two of them. I can hear him giggling now.

Another thing I have dealt with over the last few months has been some body image issues. I’ve gained weight from the steroids I take for my treatment and I have struggled with this as I don’t always recognize myself. One of the most devastating areas I gained weight though was my hands. My fingers have swollen and my rings no longer fit me. I am not yet ready to stop wearing my engagement or wedding rings but that decision was taken away from me. I decided to look into necklace ideas that I could put my ring on and found a shop on Etsy that makes beautiful ring holder necklaces. I purchased one and just got it the other week. It is perfect. I can now wear my stunning engagement ring around my neck and whenever I look down and see it I am filled with love as happy memories come flooding back to me.

The grief I feel comes in waves. I do my best to remember the good times and happy memories. There are definitely days though where I want to curl into a ball and cry because I miss Luke so much. When I feel overwhelmed I wish I could have his arms around me holding me tightly. My girls do their best to cheer me up and keep me calm, but no one does as good a job as Luke.

I think this post sums up how I’m doing these days. I am looking forward to spring and no more snow. For those of you who don’t know, Winnipeg winters are tough because it is bitterly cold and since it doesn’t warm up, any snow we get stays until spring. The amount we have gotten this year has been insane! Spring can’t come soon enough. That’s all for now my friends!

Love, LB