It feels odd to say that, but truly it has been a pretty positive couple of weeks for me.
Recently I began feeling an itch to leave apartment life. Whether that is because I turned 30, wanted a yard for Zoey, got sick of feeling like I was living in a dorm, or simply because I wanted a change I don’t know. All I know is that I started looking for houses to rent. I wanted someplace with a fenced in yard for Zoey to run and play and be a dog. I was looking for someplace in a safe area where I could feel comfortable going for walks and being outside. Someplace I could make my own. Mostly I felt I was ready for a step forward in my life.
Luke and I had talked about renting a house quite frequently, especially after Zoey joined our family. After he passed I couldn’t imagine leaving the apartment where we had built our life together. Everywhere I turn there’s are memories and I can clearly picture Luke in every inch of this apartment. I love these memories and being able to feel his presence here, but I’m finally ready to take a step forward because I know that no matter where I go, he will be coming with me.
I found a house for rent less than ten minutes from where I am now and I instantly fell in love with it. It has a large beautiful fenced yard for Zoey and a big deck to sit on in the summers and enjoy the fresh air. The inside has been updated and is the perfect size for me and my girls. The basement is finished and has a large rec room which will be great for those cold winter days when Zoey needs to play but it’s too cold to be outside. The neighborhood is homey and safe and I hear that I may even see deer in my front yard through the large front window. It’s close to parks and the farmers market too! I know that Luke would have loved this place, and he would have encouraged my impulse decision to go for it! At the end of the month I will be moving out of my apartment here and into the next chapter of my life.
It is bittersweet of course as I will be leaving the comforts of being in the same building as some of my closest friends as well as Zoey’s BFF Mocha and her boyfriend Moose. It has been so nice these last few years being so close, but I will only be 8 minutes away and I can’t wait for all the doggie playdates (and human ones too of course). After almost two years of not feeling like I had full control over my own life, it will be nice to get my sense of independence back.
On that note I have some other great news as well. On Tuesday I had a lumbar puncture and found out that it was my last lumbar puncture!!!! I cannot explain how exciting that is. I hate the thought of needles in my spine so knowing I don’t have anymore scheduled is such a relief. It was made even better by the fact that it was the smoothest, quickest, and most painless LP I’ve had yet. I barely felt a thing and suddenly it was over. Hooray!
In addition to this good news I also found out that after this cycle I will only have three more rounds of treatment! My last cycle will be in the beginning of June and then I’ll be done! I’ll have another bone marrow biopsy to make sure everything is still good and there are no signs of leukemia but after that I will be free from every three week chemo regimens and scheduling my life around constant appointments. I’ll still be monitored for a while of course, but moving on to the next phase gives me something to look forward to!
I know that the end of treatment is not the end of my experience with cancer. I may have long term side effects. I may never return to the body type I had before. I will likely deal with increased anxiety and fear in my life over what most people just think of as simple aches and pains. For now though I am choosing to focus on the positive and trying to start the countdown in my head to when I can say goodbye to steroids and chemo and being poked and prodded every three weeks. It’s so close I can almost see it!
Things are looking up and moving forward. I am excited and nervous about all these changes coming up, but in the best way. It is going to be good.