I don’t know if you know this, but I hate you. 

You didn’t give me a new perspective on life, you didn’t make me appreciate the little things, and you certainly didn’t make me appreciate what I have more than I already do. You ruined everything good in my life. First, you hurt the person I loved most in this world and thus hurt me. You gave my fiancé, a wonderful 27 year old man with a heart of gold, leukemia. Then you decided to be just a little bit stronger than the chemo making it so he couldn’t be officially declared in remission and needed a stem cell transplant which wreaked havoc on his body. We got married in the hospital not because of you, but because we loved each other so much that we didn’t want to spend another moment not being husband and wife. We tried to move forward and to make the most of our lives, but you had different plans. Just when we thought we were safe, you came back. 

You are an asshole Cancer. You put us through absolute hell. A second stem cell transplant held you at bay but then you came for me. As if one of us having leukemia wasn’t enough you had to give it to us both. You crushed Luke. You tore his spirit to shreds and you did all of this during a global pandemic. We did everything we could to live in the moment and focus on the positive, but let’s be real we put on a brave face when inside we were shattered. You did that to us and then you did the worst thing of all, you took my Lukey. You robbed me of the best person in my life, a man who was adored by everyone he met. By taking him, you hurt not just us, but so many people who loved and cherished Luke. The Earth was a better place with him in it.

Cancer, you are a cruel bastard. Because of you my body and my mind have been through hell and back. I’ve had to take care of myself during the hardest things a person has to go through and figure out how to rebuild myself both physically and mentally. I am not who I am today because of you, I am who I am in spite of you. I am rebuilding my life one day and one breath at a time. I have had to relearn how to be happy, in a world you designed to bring me down. I hate you Cancer, and I’m ready to leave you in the past. I’m done with you and hope I never have to see you again. 

Not so Sincerely,

LB

p.s. Fuck You Cancer