Grief is Ongoing – One Year Later

One Year. That’s how long it has been since I last saw the love of my life. One year since I last looked in his eyes and felt whole and complete. One year since I last held Luke’s hand and kissed his warm skin. One year has passed since I saw him take his last breaths and felt a piece of myself go with him.

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Three Year Anniversary

My heart is heavy. Today would have been our third wedding anniversary. Being Luke’s wife was one of my biggest accomplishments in life. I will forever cherish all of the memories we made together.

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Memory Quilts

One of the things you have to do once you become a widow is to start the process of going through everything that was left behind. Up front are the logistical things such as bank accounts, bills, loans, arrangements, etc. Later it becomes about the physical things. Clothing, shoes, electronics/ gadgets, sentimental gifts, and so many little things you wouldn’t think of.

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Be Mine

I’m struggling with today more than I expected to. Throughout our whole relationship, Luke and I were very anti-Valentine’s Day. We saw the holiday as a day for companies to make money and instead we spent every day telling each other how much we loved each other and never needed just one day to spoil or surprise one another. That being said, when we finally closed the distance it was so nice to be able to do normal couple things such as celebrate Valentine’s Day in our own way (including discount candy day they day after).

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The Big W

Since losing Luke I feel as if I have been bombarded by two kinds of sympathy. The first are those who reach out to say how sorry they are for my loss and how they can’t imagine what I must be going through. These are the people who typically offer vague help and then disappear as time goes on. Grief tourists.

The second kind of the person offers sympathy by checking in on you without pressure, offers helpful advice, talks about everyday life and doesn’t give you pity looks when you bring up your late husband. They share their memories and give love and laughter to an otherwise dark time.

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The Hardest Two Weeks of my Life

I honestly don’t know how to start this blog post. There are no words that can describe the loss of Luke and the emptiness I feel without him.

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I Don’t Know Where to Start

I’ve been putting off writing this blog post for a couple weeks now. My heart and my head feel like they are drowning.

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CNS Phase complete!

I haven’t updated a whole bunch on my blog lately because the CNS phase of treatment was definitely rougher on me than I anticipated.

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2 years of Marriage

Yesterday was Luke and my two year wedding anniversary. It was not at all how I imagined spending our day together, but I think it was truly a representation of our relationship and love for each other.

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What’s Next?

I have been home for almost a week now and it has been so nice! It’s amazing the difference a good night sleep in your own bed can do.

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