Three Year Anniversary

My heart is heavy. Today would have been our third wedding anniversary. Being Luke’s wife was one of my biggest accomplishments in life. I will forever cherish all of the memories we made together.

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Rantings and Ramblings

I haven’t written a post in a while. After the LLS fundraising competition I truly needed a break from writing and putting myself out there. While it was so rewarding to do something so good, it was definitely tiring (I still haven’t had a chance to send thank you’s to all the wonderful people who donated). Now that it has been a couple of weeks I have had time to rest, recharge, and focus on myself a little more.

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Memory Quilts

One of the things you have to do once you become a widow is to start the process of going through everything that was left behind. Up front are the logistical things such as bank accounts, bills, loans, arrangements, etc. Later it becomes about the physical things. Clothing, shoes, electronics/ gadgets, sentimental gifts, and so many little things you wouldn’t think of.

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Let Maintenance Begin

My first round of maintenance therapy began on Tuesday. This is a big milestone but also just another small step toward getting back to normal-ish.

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Be Mine

I’m struggling with today more than I expected to. Throughout our whole relationship, Luke and I were very anti-Valentine’s Day. We saw the holiday as a day for companies to make money and instead we spent every day telling each other how much we loved each other and never needed just one day to spoil or surprise one another. That being said, when we finally closed the distance it was so nice to be able to do normal couple things such as celebrate Valentine’s Day in our own way (including discount candy day they day after).

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Put One Foot in Front of the Other

This last week has been a busy blur. At least busy for covid standards. I started round 8 of treatment and this began the start of my new chemotherapy.

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The Big W

Since losing Luke I feel as if I have been bombarded by two kinds of sympathy. The first are those who reach out to say how sorry they are for my loss and how they can’t imagine what I must be going through. These are the people who typically offer vague help and then disappear as time goes on. Grief tourists.

The second kind of the person offers sympathy by checking in on you without pressure, offers helpful advice, talks about everyday life and doesn’t give you pity looks when you bring up your late husband. They share their memories and give love and laughter to an otherwise dark time.

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