December 1st

It’s the last month of 2020. It’s hard to believe that this year is almost over. It has felt like the longest year of my life and yet it has flown by. So much has happened I can’t even begin to muddle through it all.

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There Are No Words

It has been a while since I have written a blog post. To be honest, I’m not even sure if I’ll finish this one. I’ve had writers block these last two months and with my parents and Luke’s family here I really just wanted to be present while I had them around.

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The Hardest Two Weeks of my Life

I honestly don’t know how to start this blog post. There are no words that can describe the loss of Luke and the emptiness I feel without him.

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I Don’t Know Where to Start

I’ve been putting off writing this blog post for a couple weeks now. My heart and my head feel like they are drowning.

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Vulnerable

I’ve had quite a lot of writers block this past week as I started my first round of intensification treatment. I like using my blog to keep everyone updated, but it is also a good therapeutic outlet for me. Writing allows me to get my thoughts and feelings out of my head and sharing them usually helps to ease some of my anxiety.

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Still Here

I haven’t written a blog post in a while because it’s honestly been some of the hardest few days of my life. Let me get you caught up.

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It’s been a long couple days

As the title suggests the last few days have felt quite long and I have not had the mental stamina to keep up with sharing with all of you.

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Downward Trend Begins

Sorry for my silence the last day or so. The lows are finally starting to hit and I’ve had a rough day. Some of my meds can make you have to go while others make it harder to go to the restroom. They try to manage with laxatives but it is a balancing act.

This morning the I was finally able to go but not without a lot of pain (I apologize for the TMI but there’s no better way to explain what’s going on) losing all the fluid has messed with my body. They have been giving me fluids all day long to try and get my blood pressure back up but I can’t really stand more than a minute without feeling faint.

So today begins some of the downward trend of good days as my body gets hit by the chemo. I’ve basically been resting in bed all day. It took a while but I was finally able to eat a little toast and Jam and feel more comfortable in bed. The only way to describe it is 100% pure exhaustion. I can barely keep my eyes open even while typing this.

Please bare with me as I navigate these more difficult days. They say that this next week will be one of the harder ones as my counts continue to drop.

Well that’s all for now as typing isn’t the easiest when you keep falling asleep. It’s even hard to stay awake for Kevin Bacon in footloose! One of the greatest movies ever.

Odd Day

Today has been odd. I woke up feeling pretty good aside from being a bit dehydrated. No headache, no pain, just a bit tired. Breakfast was quite yummy and afterwards I did some walking in the hall for about a km.

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Baby Steps Forward

So far this process has been a lot of sitting around and waiting for answers, running tests, and keeping me comfortable. With not much moving forward it is definitely easy to fall into denial.

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