Be Mine

I’m struggling with today more than I expected to. Throughout our whole relationship, Luke and I were very anti-Valentine’s Day. We saw the holiday as a day for companies to make money and instead we spent every day telling each other how much we loved each other and never needed just one day to spoil or surprise one another. That being said, when we finally closed the distance it was so nice to be able to do normal couple things such as celebrate Valentine’s Day in our own way (including discount candy day they day after).

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Put One Foot in Front of the Other

This last week has been a busy blur. At least busy for covid standards. I started round 8 of treatment and this began the start of my new chemotherapy.

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My Sweetest Zoey

Little did I know when I first saw a picture of Zoey (formerly known as Sapphire), that I would be making the best impulse decision of my life. Happy Birthday baby girl!

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The Big W

Since losing Luke I feel as if I have been bombarded by two kinds of sympathy. The first are those who reach out to say how sorry they are for my loss and how they can’t imagine what I must be going through. These are the people who typically offer vague help and then disappear as time goes on. Grief tourists.

The second kind of the person offers sympathy by checking in on you without pressure, offers helpful advice, talks about everyday life and doesn’t give you pity looks when you bring up your late husband. They share their memories and give love and laughter to an otherwise dark time.

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December 1st

It’s the last month of 2020. It’s hard to believe that this year is almost over. It has felt like the longest year of my life and yet it has flown by. So much has happened I can’t even begin to muddle through it all.

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There Are No Words

It has been a while since I have written a blog post. To be honest, I’m not even sure if I’ll finish this one. I’ve had writers block these last two months and with my parents and Luke’s family here I really just wanted to be present while I had them around.

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The Hardest Two Weeks of my Life

I honestly don’t know how to start this blog post. There are no words that can describe the loss of Luke and the emptiness I feel without him.

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I Don’t Know Where to Start

I’ve been putting off writing this blog post for a couple weeks now. My heart and my head feel like they are drowning.

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Migraines and Phase 3

Next week I’ll be starting the next phase of my treatment, intensification. I had this week off, but it hasn’t felt that way because I have been dealing with daily migraines.

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CNS Phase complete!

I haven’t updated a whole bunch on my blog lately because the CNS phase of treatment was definitely rougher on me than I anticipated.

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